how it feels to be harassed on the street

shevathegun:

ok so i have to do this for something im writing but i thought this might be revelatory to those of you who have never experienced unwelcome sexual attention from strangers

let me walk you through what it feels like to be hit on by a stranger on the street, let me walk you through what my reaction is every single time, lets go step by step:

• step one: “is somebody talking to me?”
• step two: initial surprise. “who is that? do i know this person?”
• step three: shock/confusion. “i do not know this person. what are they saying? what do they mean by that?”
• step four: resignation/revulsion. “oh. they are expressing sexual interest in me.”
• step five: terror. “how do i get them to stop and leave me alone? how can i escape?” heartrate beginning to rise. fight/flight kicking in.
• step six: smile, try to express friendly, inoffensive disinterest. “oh, no, i’m sorry… maybe some other time… no, sorry, i have to go…" if this does not work: try to be firm: “i have to go. please leave me alone.“ if this does not work: try to ignore them. if this does not work: try to be aggressive: “seriously, fuck off.” (each of these approaches may be used based on assessed threat level of stranger.)
• step seven: escape situation (by any means necessary).
• step eight: prolonged terror, adrenaline, paranoia. “are they following me? am i still in danger?”
• step nine: shame. fear. revulsion. “i was just minding my own business. why did they treat me like that?”
• step ten: anger. regret. “why can’t i just walk outside? i was minding my own business. why can’t people just keep their opinions to themselves? do i have to wear a fucking t-shirt that says ‘leave me alone’?”
• step eleven: anger. shame. fear. revulsion. “i feel unsafe. i can’t go anywhere or do anything and expect to be left in peace. i don’t want to go anywhere or do anything ever again. i hate people. i just want to hide.”

that is how it feels every. single. time.

for the last time - this is never, ever flattering. it ALWAYS makes me feel dehumanized and unsafe. no matter how “smooth” you think you are, you have just told me that i can have no expectation of peace or safety in my own life.

stop doing this. leave us alone.